Soul Searching and Sinful Satisfaction

After a quarter of an average lifespan already lived, how does one find solace while stuck in a liminal abyss? Searching for answers leads only to more questions and received answers never satisfy a thirsty mind. Living life with no direction or dictation seems without purpose, and living strictly by the books, for a sole cause, only brings distaste and a want for a more suitable conviction. My anguish stems not from a lack of circumspection but more from a worry. A worry that manifests itself in my waking sleep and otherwise waking life. The cancerous apprehension multiplies, yielding an ambiguous blob of doubt, indecision, and remorse for past actions. I crave attention but loathe overbearing company. Narcissistic tendencies flood the bathroom mirror while alone but rapidly vanish from the vanity when insecurities arise in the presence of others. I want to love myself and others without ever casting a condescending comment towards another. Experience tells me that our personal vices grip hard and remain steadfast and that perturbs my sleep deprived body. When I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and I can hear the train coming down the tracks, I don't want to bring along any residual baggage of past flaws. I want the next station to be the next chapter of new life and a better me.

Attachment is the Origin of Suffering

"If someone wants to be a part of your life they'll make an effort to be in it so don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay"

This quote has made appearances on quite a view websites and networking sites but I don't think it's lost its meaning. You shouldn't have to beg someone to make time for you or pry your way into their schedule.

In all honesty, this post is directed towards a specific recipient. It seems that even though words can ease a broken heart, they are only ever as good as a glue stick is at holding bricks together. And while my house of clay seems to be sturdy from far away, all it takes is anything less than scrutiny to realize that this sucker is unstable, and deceitfully about to crumble.

I want to say I haven't lost faith in the female counterparts that so gracefully seduce us males into a wavering battle of thoughts and emotions. Yet, their credibility is slowly fading away just like the shores of Florida. My only request to all the lovely temptresses out there is this: please don't hook someone in, destroy their heart, then attempt to mend it back together with a glue stick and tell us you used cement. Because at the end of the day when our edifices deteriorate you'll be left to collect the insurance money while we are trapped under the weight of it all.