180 RPM And Escaping The Black Hole of Liminality

When you dance, when you let go, when you stop trying to analyze every damn thing and just live, you stop the suffering. Our lives are defined by our own personal criteria: while we may be heavily influenced by others, it's our self-imposed traits that give life to the way we feel. I am the greatest critic of myself and it's primarily due to insecurities that have developed through my upbringing.

I find myself in a liminal state. On the threshold of two existential planes, of two imminent yet pertinent realities. I'm trapped in my own mind, in limbo, searching for solid ground and a destination. What if my destination is in this black hole of liminality? Is it not possible that I might be forever doomed to wander in this empty space, always searching for a place of solace but never reaching a conclusion?

For the time being I seek an escape. Whether it's a short lived high or for a lengthier stint of time, I'll accept that I can escape the whole concept of existence when I let it all go. When time disappears and intellection ceases to exist as a priority, I'm one with the music and I'll submit to the flooding waves of color with every note of melody, every change of pitch, and every tone of euphoric timbre.

Confirming Reality

Are we not all drawn to the pretty face in the crowd, to the jarring melodies in their voice, to the subtle gestures of fatal attraction? If we are all but made for one person, then why do we continually force ourselves into ill-fated monogamous agreements between state and a deity perhaps not even believed in, with hopes of finding complete and total satisfaction. Is it that we see the mold of the american dream as a true representative icon of happiness? We as homo sapiens seem to deny our ability to think independently. I have surmised that there truly are people incapable of forming self interests and must leech off of others. This culminating effort, pick-and-choose personality, is what slays human originality in its most naked of naked states. We are but leeches copying and burning what we learn and observe from others. We then regurgitate our newly found "interests" and proclaim them as our own possessions as part of our own essence, so to speak. Thus, by manipulating ourselves from insecure and despondent to collected and confident, we find our selves[humans] to be inherently in flux, on the quest for a metaphysical realization that no one ever truly seems to grasp. Essentially we solidify our awaiting fate, resting in a place where creativity ceases to exist all together.

Inherent Existentialism

I'm at a tugging point. My roller coaster life continually throws me for loops and I'm stuck questioning it all. Who am I? What are my goals? What will truly bring me satisfaction in this mixed up crazy world. We are all struggling for identity. I seek purpose everyday. Maybe I'm an addict for attention but it fuels me. I want it all but it's not even mine for the taking. Am I selfish? Am I a kind person? Am I too full-of-myself? That I am. As has been said, the unexamined life is not worth living and so I continually wonder if I'll ever achieve my true self. If ever there is an answer to my call let me hear it as I wander the world searching and learning everyday.